Death and Life

An ex-colleague of mine passed away last week, after months of fighting his illness. It's a sad day for everyone that knew him. I have not seen him for the past 1 year, even when I was informed that he had succumbed to the illness. I never once visited him in the hospital as well. I don't know why I didn't visit him, and I felt ashamed as a colleague and friend for not having the heart to see him. Maybe I'm not that close to him, even though we're colleagues for a year plus. He's only a year older than me, and he passed away just like that. Fate isn't it?
Life is so unpredictable and unexpected. You'll never know what will happen in mere seconds. I might just get struck by lighting after finishing off this post and died, and this may well be the last post or message I'm typing. Funny how fate, luck and chance twist and bend our life like that.

A week after he passed away, my second sister gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. A new life after a solemn death. Then I got the news that my 2nd uncle (father's side) diabetes got worst, he can't walk because one of his kidney failed. He's been staying at home for some time, and does not want to go for a check-up. He told his family that he doesn't want to, for he wants to wait for his death. The family can't take it, and called an ambulance to pick him up. He's currently going through a dialysis right now. He's already 82 years old, and a strong man but for his kidney. I can't imagine another death near me right now, I'm still not strong enough for this.

Then today morning, my brother told us that he's bleeding after going to the toilet. And that really freaks me out. It's a hemorrhage, and I suspected it, and its not really that serious, but for me it is because yesterday we were all talking about his stomach condition, and needed checking, then this happen. Ironic isn't it? I'm so freaking worried that I almost cried in the office while working and thinking about it. I text my brother, and he called me, and told me that it's only hemorrhage, and nothing really serious. Phew.. what a relieved..
Too many bad stuff happenings and I don't like it one bit..

It makes me think and worries a lot about my family and friends. Life is long but it felt so short when bad things happen. A flip of chances, life and death is all there is. A pendulum of fate, swinging between heaven and hell. I'm being melodramatic here.. Ignore me please, let me compose myself first.. ahem..

Okay.. on with the thoughts...

The only thing missing in my life right now is stability. And a guy, that much is certain. My family are my rock and everything but I know that I will grow lonely along the way. I love my solitude life, but not a lonely life. Lonely life equals to empty and hollow life, does it not? When I said stability, that is in terms of professional life. My career. Its not as fulfilling as I wanted, but not bad as well. Nonetheless, I'm going to pursue my MBA (no matter what!!) and get a more challenging and fulfilling job. I need a stable and prosperous career to really take care of myself. A guy, well, they comes and goes. I never had a good relationship, and opening up to another one makes me think twice. There's a quote saying, "think with your heart, not your mind" is what I need to do, but, if you got hurt one time too many, are you willing to?

Alas, life's too short to be having all this deep thoughts (for me at least). Am I happy? (Yes, checked), Am I at peace with myself? (Yes, checked), Am I grateful? (Yes, checked). Hey, 3 Yeses, what more to worry about, eh?

Take it easy, live life to the fullest, and never regret the choices made, if if it's a stupid one. You 'll learn things you thought you knew, but you didn't. It's a bittersweet lesson, which makes you wiser than yesterday.
A friend of mine told me that all these sayings are a comforting message to myself. But.. really? I don't know about others but I honestly think and live like this, but he just won't accept it.
Oh well..

That's all I got to say. Ah.. rain has stop. I guess no lighting tonight then. Phew... lucky me..

Death lingers, but life prosper..

No Short Cut to Success

Some people just want the easy way in, and easy way out. Hey, who doesn't right? Me included. But come on, let's face it, some people truly has everything the easy way, and some does not. Those that on the later category need to put in much more effort and commitment to achieve success. That is a fact but, for me, no matter what, gaining something that you perceives as a success must come from your determination and hard work. Being smart in doing that also is a major plus. The feeling that you felt when you succeeded are beyond words. It's an intangible treasure that you can only feel.

Nowadays, people just don't have this kind of desire anymore. They don't feel like sweating it out or go farther than what they're doing now. Always looking for a way to earn but doing nothing to achieve it. When things doesn't go well, they blame the surrounding sans themselves. They give up without actually really trying, because in their mind it will not work no matter how. Who's to say it won't work, when other people has proven that it can?

Including yourself with the upper class and gain benefits from them is the way to go, so some people think. Disappointing thought don't you think? Marry a rich man's son or daughter makes the road smoother than a shaved leg. Easy life gained. The End.. If one day, all that was taken away from them, how will they survive? Since they are so dependent on all this, how will they move on? Start all over again.. but where to start? You can't depend on people to be successful. Yes, you need them, get them and work together with them, but depend on yourselves. Just because your friend is rich, and you're not, doesn't mean you're a failure. Never compare with everyone, the comparison scale is endless and pointless.

I told a colleague of mine that, since he has a mind of "using" the connection with all the rich friends to do business, think the other way round as well, if he does not have all of these contacts, what will he do? Doing business is not easy, and must have a backup plan. He must ponder on that. I hope he listens because he's not the hardworking type of person, which is sad because he's a capable guy, just not wanting to "sweat" kind of guy. What a shame.

Everyone dreams of having an easy life with no worries. I wished I had one life as such too, but I don't have, and I'm not sulking because I know it takes time to achieve it, and once you achieved it, it is much more sweeter than you ever dreamed of.

MBA Here I come!!... or Not??

Went to a SEGI College MBA (University of Sunderland) preview today at Eastin Hotel Penang. A fun and honest preview from the principle, Mr Jeffrey. He kinda generalise the importance of MBA, and not implying that the MBA given through SEGI is the "one" for everyone. That, for me, really is something cool.

I registered for the next intake, which I'm extremely excited about. Been thinking about taking it for couple of years, and now is the time to take the flight. But before I start jumping around like a craze monkey, I need to wait for the approval from Sunderland University first, which is frustrating for me, for I only have a diploma with 10yrs+ working experience. On top of that, the working experience are not on the managerial level. It's daunting for the counsellor told me that it shouldn't be a problem but can't guarantee it. Sigh.. fingers crossed, and hope the approved it.

I don't want to go through a degree, when I can straight take an MBA, correct? If I have a degree, I won't thinking of taking MBA though. I took MBA because I wanted to upgrade myself professionally. I got rejected from MNC company due to my educational background. No matter how good your are or how perfect the position is for you, if you don't fit the educational requirement, you're out. Another point for "World is not fair" club. Hahaha.. I stated that because I always believe that fairness exist, it's the human that misuse it. That's all.

All in all, really hope I got the green flag from the University. Fingers crossed!! :)

Lead Where Oh My Leaderless Leader

My leader who is not a leader

Gain notoriety through his ignoble action

My leader who is not a leader

Gave naught but empty whispers

Promises of hopes, visions of dreams

Crashes like a tidal waves through me

For hopes are doomed and dreams faded

And he smiled for all that he did not made

Guided well and true he thought

Directions given but superficially done

Nothing but blurry on the path

Can he not be lucid on everyone's behalf

Lead where Oh! My leaderless leader

For I needed guidance and support

Lead us where my leaderless leader

For you gave me words but does not act

My leader whom now I see as a void

For he lead not but only pleases the ears

My leader whom I see as disappointment

Walks away when I need him the most

Life and Love

People live and breathe love. Or should I say love live and breathe through people? Both are soul mates and meant for each other for eternity. But yet, obstacles are every where whenever they passes each other. Sometimes they met and blossomed into a beautiful piece of art, and sometimes it crumbles to pieces.

If you does not love yourself, and expect people to love you back, then life has gone. What is life to you? For me, life is like a palette of colors, and the path we roam are a blank canvas. Life is beautiful and colorful, if only you believe in it and make it happen. And love are everywhere with life. Feel it to see it.
Sometimes there are hindrance to find love, and yet that hindrance is a test love gave to life. For love is fragile and it knows that anything or anyone can crush it. Love can feel the pain it has given, but that does not mean it does not care. Love cares dearly and understand the pain, but it never left life. Both yearn for each other, and life appreciate love so much, that life will prevails through the hindrance to the arms of love.

If you truly want to find love, love yourself first. Never take your life for granted, no matter how hard or difficult things are now. It doesn't matter how long it takes, for love waits forever for life. Be strong in your heart, for the heart is their vessel. Your heart waits for them, why walk away?

Pain can be drifted away, only if you wanted to. Don't live in pain, but live life to the fullest, and you will know that, hey, love has been with you all along. Love never waits at a faraway land, it's beside you all the time. When that happens, your canvas will be full of beautiful colors that shines brightly.

Happy 2011!!

Hm.. today's 4 Jan 2011, am I late to say HAPPY NEW YEAR?? hahaha.. i hope not, it's still early right? Anyway, happy 2011 to each and everyone who's reading this, hope you guys have a wondrous 2010 and looking forward to a more exciting 2011.

Looking back on my journey in 2010, the 1st half was good, nothing much happening, then 2nd half turn upside down. It was bad, and I realised about myself more. I gave up too easily and worried too much about everything. Can't help it, but I need to really change that. And I realised that in terms of working, I can't work in a crowded atmosphere, like factory or big corporate offices. Don't know why, but I just can't. It seems that I can't produce or even express myself better in a that kind of working environment. Too much politics and gossiping around as well. Well, all this bound to happen everywhere, regardless of what industries. We human beings have mouths, so of course it will happen. hahaha...

Coming to 2011, I started my new job in a local retail company, a family business, and huge one at that. The current PA is not really into teaching me, and it's not intentional, I can see that, but she's just don't know how to delegate. Only when I asked, then only she passes the job, because, she still do all the work I'm suppose to be handling!! I told her, you need to pass it to me, so that I can familiarise with it. She just brief me superficially, and will only tell me in details when I ask. No offence, but just because the previous does not teach you anything, doesn't mean that you have to do that to me?? I don't like that. Sigh.. it's ok, she's going to Purchasing soon, to be a buyer so it's fine.

2011.. will this be a better year for me? What I want in 2011? Truth be told, I don't know what I want anymore, I'm still searching. Dilemma, dilemma, dilemma.. Everything is smooth for me except for my turbulence career path.. I WANT A CAREER WHICH I AM SATISFIED AND HAPPY WITH!! Hard isn't it? I'm not perfect, and I don't expect everything to be perfect as well, but at least it's bearable and as long as my self-satisfaction outweighed the imperfections, I'm more that happy. Hey, who doesn't?
What about love? Whooo.... don't know about that, because it doesn't bug me, and I'm relieved. I leave that to fate. ;)

That's all for now then... again.. Happy 2011!!