High Heels - Love them!!

High Heels, either you love or loathe them. I love them, of course. If not, I won't be writing about it.  For me, it's the shoes that determines the clothes. It may be at the bottom (your feet), but it's on top of my fashion list. You can wear a top and shorts, with flats, and look oh-so-casual, but if you change it to heels, va va voom.. a vixen is born!! You wear a knee length skirt and a collared plain shirt (tucked in), and paired it with high Mary Jane heels, and you bring sexiness to office.

Ok, when I say high, how high is high? Well, for me, 3" is the minimum, and up to 4" or 5" is the best. The higher it gets, the clumsier you will be. But if you can endure the pain and passed the clumsiness, then by all means, wear it. 

And then they are the rounded, and pointed or strappy and slip-on, pump, Mary Jane, open toe, and lets not forget boots (ankle & knee and everything in between)!! So many choices to pick. A word of advice though, if you're petite (like me!!), forgo the pointy sister. It makes you looked like an elf with the pointy jiggling shoes. Just not good on us, trust me. But if you like it and you look great in it, then wear it. Fashion is about self-expression and experimentation. Things that looked good on a person, does not mean it will look good on you, and vice versa. 

Below are some of the examples, which I think is HOT!!

5 Reasons to own them:

1. It makes you look taller (obviously)

2. It increases your confidence level (for me it does!!)

3. Your legs looks sexier instantly (oh la la)

4. Compliments your overall look (yeah..)

5. Self-protection (do you know how painful it is if you poke someone with that heel? Ouch!!)

As much as I love her royal highness the heels, I wear sandals when I go out for long walks. It's more comfortable, and I take really good care of my feet, and no calluses or bunions on it. 

Besides, your heels need their rest too, to maintain it's shape and durability. And make sure the heels are strong and fixed tightly, especially the stilettos type. You don't want it to break right?

(Since I'm jobless right now, I'm starting to enjoy blogging away my worries. It's a stress releaser.)

Hit Rock Bottom

I am currently sitting in front of my laptop, and typing this blindly without any thoughts at all. I tried to write some poems, love poems to be exact, but it comes out horribly disgusting. I realized that I can only write sad emotions kind of poems and that is really disturbing. Maybe because I haven’t been in real love for so long that I don’t really know how to express it. Too bad for that.

This has been a very bad year for me. Wrong man, wrong job, wrong choices, everything’s wrong. After I left my MNC Company, which I have worked for 3 years, things has been downhill. I went to a newly set-up Finnish company, and they paid me, without any work for me. That makes me a slacker, and I don’t want to be a slacker. Then my friend asks me to work in her company, and I took it thinking that it’s better. Yeah, the work is a lot, no doubt about it, but the system is a total chaos. A lot of discordance going on and too many things bundled up for one person to cope. I worked for 4 months, and then I found a job in another company. I worked for 5 days only. Yeah, 5 days, you heard right. Why, you asked? Well, the structure is too rigid and constructive, and it’s controlling my inner self. I can’t work in this kind of environment. Everything must be in “perfection”. Nothing is perfect. I can’t deal with it, and I left. Too rush? Stupid? Craxy? Yeah, everything of that. Why can’t I just cope with all the rigid rules and regulations until I find another job? If I can, I will, that’s for sure. My character is my downfall maybe.

Anyway, I called up a friend of mine, who's looking for indoor sales. The salary is quite low, but I need to start somewhere. The problem is, if I got the job, it will start in Jan 2011. I'm unpaid and broke by then. But I'm selling off my car, and bought a Perodua Viva, will take half of the money to settle all of my debts, and I'm cleared. I'm going to start over my life.

A miserable 2010 year, maybe by my own doing. I'm losing confidence right now, and ashamed of being the only failure in the family. I want to make things better. I told my best friend, and it seems that she don't understand me at all. That's a bit sad isn't it? 

That's all I want to share. Nothing much from a down and out 31 year old woman who has nothing as of yet. 

Am I Lonely?

Today, a colleague of mine asked me, have I ever feel lonely sometimes? I thought what was wrong with him, suddenly asked me that. And I answered him, yes, of course I do. Being single is fun and everything, but loneliness does follows you around. Even married couple or people surrounded with friends and families all the time will still feel lonely sometimes. I told him that to avoid being lonely, just find something to occupy your time and try not to think about it.

Loneliness is my friend whom I seldom see because I'm occupied with work. But when it shows up, I just take a deep breath, and smile. Find something I enjoy doing, and have fun with it. Sometimes it can be good for us too you know. It give you time to think of your own self, and along the way, you get a stronger self-awareness. Of course don't stride into the negative side of thing, which some people tends to do. That's a big NO NO.

Being lonely is not that bad. To that question, after some thought, the answer is Yes and No. Yes because I do felt it sometimes, and No because I love being alone, and I have family and friends and stuff to do every day, and that's that. Hah.. :)

Selfish Man but A Stronger Me

The last 2 relationship I had was the worst I've ever been through. As of right now, I don't know how I should feel about men anymore. The weakness I had was I give and give and give. And for them, they just take and take and take. It's a willingness from me that I cannot change. That is why people likes to take advantage of me.

But these has made a stronger, and I'm more straight forward then before. It shocked people sometimes but if things go too far, I will voice out. I'm not going to sit around and let people bully me all the time.

This does not mean that I've given up on love. It's just that it's not really that important to me anymore. I'm fine with or without them. I can take care of myself just fine. Hey, if cupid strike then I've found the one, if it doesn't that's ok too. ^_^

Happy Merdaka Day 2010

Today, 31st Aug 2010, is the 53rd Independence Day of my beloved country Malaysia. I'm a proud Malaysian, through and through. But many Malaysian (not all) tends to take this day as just another public holiday in the calender. Making plans for trips and whatnot. Which, of course, is the most logical way to spend quality time and enjoy the free space with your love ones. But how many really feel proud as a Malaysian, especially today? I spend the whole day at home, didn't go out for the road will be doubly jam packed with cars. Watching TV, Facebook, reading my Malazan story, and now blogging.
I'm ashamed to say that, I feel like it's just another normal day for me. Proud? I'm always proud of me as a Malaysian. It's peaceful, serene and harmoniously surrounded by multi-racial people. Of course there's some bickering here and there (which you will find all over the world), but overall, it's a beautiful and lovable country. What's not to love about Malaysia?

Malaysia has come a long long way to become as developed as it is now. Therefore, I would like to take this opportunity to say, I Love Malaysia. I Love being a Malaysian. And nothing can change that. (Maybe if my future husband is a foreigner and I have to migrate, which, I think will not happen.. hahahaha). But if it really does happen, in my heart, it will not change. :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MALAYSIA!! PEACE..

Love Thyself

If you expect people to truly love you, love yourself first.
If you want people to accept you, accept yourself first (flaws and whatnot)
If you yearn for the future, let go of the past first.
If you wish for happiness, be happy for your loved one first.

All In One (Several More Quotes from my Facebook)

Life's teachings are multi-faceted. Face it with calmness and accept it wholeheartedly.

you can influence a person, but you have no rights to control a person. everyone have their own mind to think and decide. let them use it.

I change to reverse gear only when I'm driving. Not when I'm living. Hold on and keep moving forward..

No matter how many mistakes we made in our life, it's only life's lesson for us to learn. There are bound to be regrets (admit it!!), but it's what makes us who we are today.

the lake looks deep, but in actual fact, it's shallow.. u expect things to be good, but turns out it's the opposite...

to avoid disappointment, try not to give too much hope on it. the more u expect things to come your way, the further it moves away from you.

Precious small things

when you think you have lost everthing, remember that the small things you've taken for granted is forever waiting for you to embrace them. Why push them away in the first place?

No Pretenses Please

you can be courteous and friendly, you can be kind and full of emphathy, but if it's all pretending, then you're just plain ugly... (wow.. it rhymes.. hahaha)... :D

Remember Yourself

river flows in one direction, but it can branch out in multitude of passage. and it all flows back to the sea in the end..
life's like a river, you flows and branched out, make choices in your life, but remember who and where u came from. It's forever within you.. remember that. Peace out..

don't but..

don't hear, but listen, don't see, but observe
don't talk, but speak, don't cry, but smile
don't take, but give, don't die, but live
don't wish, but think, don't hate, but love
alas, said is easier than done.. well.. don't give up, but try and try again.. ;)

Let it go..

no point in continuing a path to relive the hurt that was felt. let it burned to ashes, with not a single ember remains. let the rain wash over it, just to lessen the pain. spread your wings anew and begin once again.

My Poems & Quotes

Orightee.. u must be wondering, how come so many poems and quotes in one day.
These are my writings in Facebook. Sometimes when inspiration comes, i just wrote it there, either on my Notes (Poems) or on my wall (quotes). There are some, ahem.. request from my friends. Only 2 request actually. I wrote 2 poems (short and long) for one of my friend, since she wants to see how good i am at it. hahaha. the other was for a friend who got inspired of writing poems and quotes. so asked me to write about pain and sadness (shattered heart).
So, there you have it. Not that i'm sad and miserable every day ok. don't get it wrong.

Sweet Nothings

sweet nothings are pleasant to the ears, but are unpleasant to the heart when the truth comes out.

Past Mistake

i hate myself for the mistake i've made, but i love myself for the strength i've gained, and i love myself for not making the same mistake again.

Love (My Meaning)

Love is selfless, love is pain but also a healer
Of the soul within for it weeps for it's owner
Love knows no hatred, knows no evil
Love only knows hope and surrender

From Lovers to Friend (also a request from friend)

Since we're here now, let us see each other
Not as lovers, but as individual, as strangers
What do you see, what do you sense
Is it a beginning, or is it the end?

Let us walk away, in opposite direction
And ponder on "what if" and "what now"
Let us not look back on each others' direction
For, what if now there is sadness

When we meet again, one day in future
Can we smile together with ease and no pain
Can we talk like friend and without burden
Can we walk away, and smile for a friend

Since we're here now, let us see each other
Not as old lovers, but as old friends
And smiled at each other, and joke around
Of the life we're living, of the joy we've found

(a request from a friend. i know.. sad love poem.. yet again. but it's a request, since she said i'm good at it. hahaha)

Shattered Heart (a request from friend)

i see my reflection, shattered reflection
pieces of glasses of myself
i see my agony, hapless agony
scorching my heart like wild fire
will you not mend my broken pieces?
will you not tame my agony's fire
or will you just watch, as you passes by?
how i hope you glance back and smile.

(this poem is done, on behalf of a friend. feel like sharing. :) enjoy.

Hawaiian Hula Dance in Penang??

Okie.. suddenly I have a craving for hula dance. I'm starting my belly dance class soon, actually this coming Saturday (it's a beginner's class), but I was told that it's totally different. Which, I think it is because from the previous class I've attended, beginner to advance, the movements are just the basic ones, there's no flutter, layering and such.. I believe in this new instructor, so hopefully I'm not wrong. ;)

Anyway, back to my hula craze, I googled up if there's any hula dance class in Penang, but alas, none. Sad huh? Well, I can always learn it from youtube or ehow video. It's more or less a tiny bit similar to belly dance movement (in a way) so I think it's not that hard. Riiiight??

I hope I can find a class, really want to dance the hula dance.. it's so fun. Maybe I can ask my new instructor, maybe she got a lead or something. hehehe...

Socrates

Lately I've been crazy about quotes and idioms. Words of wisdom, inspirational sayings.. all those stuff. I chance upon Socrates. I've read about his life in wiki (briefly), and it kinds of sadden me. I don't know whether he's ignorant about his own intellect or he's just being humble about it. Or he's a conceited man. Who knows.. only him I guess.
His famous quote was "I know that I know nothing". I felt that there's a hidden meaning behind this saying. Different people have different conclusion about it. It's a debatable sentence.. no?? Or maybe at that time when he made that remark, he actually felt that way.. ?? hmm....

For me, that phrase suggest that he's a very intelligent and creative human being, and he knows that. I think he questioned himself plenty of time. Am I that good a philosopher? Why do they look up at me? The quotes he made, it may sound simple, but the truth is deep. I really admire him a lot. He made so many quotes that really makes me think about my own actions and also the society as a whole. Human behaviours.. so many whys, and hows, and huh?.. hahaha..

I'm very curious about human thoughts.. this thing called psychology. There's a saying, "curiosity killed the cat". Well, for me, curiosity doesn't kill the cat, coz cats have 9 lives. Still got 8 lives to go.. :p hehehehe...

Ok.. i'm done.. peace out.. ;)

For you to know.. (but forever unknown)

Now that it's over, can you just leave me be
No matter how deep it is, there's no point
To linger at my side, to pursue what's not right
For you, for me and for us in the long run

Have you ever thought what's best for me?
Or you only thought what's best for you?
Compromising on the relationship is gone
When you're the one who decides even though it's wrong

Could have work things out, if I want to
But alas, the tiredness has reached it's boundary
For I have no direction in my life, as I am
Preoccupied with the few times we're able to share

Will you be able to change for me?
Is it worth your time to change for me?
The answer will forever be "No"
For you are superior, and I wish not be in control
For one day, you will blew up and explode

Slowly I have sorted out my life again
The emptiness I felt no longer seems important
Changes need be done, new chapter has begun
Life is beautiful, life is fun, if only we want it, it can be done

Momentary greediness in your life, to satisfy your being
To feel happiness, when the happiness is an imitation
Do you really need me? Or am I a necessity
Or an expedient for the loneliness you felt?

For what is worth, I felt used, betrayed by you
The meaning of Love for you, does not resonate
With what I know of Love and it's magic
We are not the same as we thought we were

The pain is gone, but loneliness will be at my side
I think of you everyday but the love is not the same
It's time to move on, find true happiness in oneself
Be not a bitter soul, for love is yours forever in your home
Embrace it and be happy, and smile when you think of me

Blaming Others to Feel Better??

I wrote an email to him, to say goodbye, because there's lots of things I need to tell him, and confronting him face-to-face won't let me express all of it.
So, I did it, and he accept it, but now he's putting up messages in skype for me to see, messages that hurts me a lot. After a week of "dumping him", he put up a message "true colors seen, take care always", then "6 pages can tell the truth of a person" something like that. Then stating life is full of misery and mystery, want to die, this and that. WTF?? He knows I will read it. I expected these from him. He's such a narrow-minded person and always keeps bitterness on his side.

He's doing a good job making me feel miserable, as if I'm not hurting inside as well. I know he's sad and hurt, but making me feel like all this is my fault, it's very childish and selfish of him.
Acting in denial, and not accepting the facts.

I'm trying to ignore him as much as I can, but it just gets on my nerve, so I put up a msg in MSN for him.. "trample me all you want if it ease your mind.. don't assume that it does not pain me" Hope he reads it and understand.

The main reason I left him was that he wants to be in control of everything, even my personal life. Which I think is not fair. He don't trust me, even though he said he does. His actions speaks otherwise. He gets overly jealous. He snoops my things behind my back. And he's such an egocentric, materialistic guy. The choices and decision he makes, almost all the time, is to his own benefits. Always.. If a guy makes you feel weak and inferior, better leave.. every one has an identity, and a mind to make choices. If he don't want to accept it, then he's not worth the time.

When I realised all this, it really wakes me up. Somehow I just felt that, if I don't leave him now, I won't in the future. It's hard. He has his good points too, I was happy, but not anymore. I promise myself 4 years ago, that I won't end up with a guy like this, and I intend to keep that promise. It's a burden I can't carry.

All in all, we're wrong to be together in the first place. So, yeah, I have my regrets, but I'm moving forward now.. hope he does too. He needs time.. slowly hopefully he will live a merrier life and not in bitter and resentful life.

I Hate My Job.. And Everything in Between

Okie.. here's the truth.. I hate my current job. Literally hate it. Don't even have the motivation to wake up and go to work. Don't have the motivation to do my job (that's why I'm blogging.. duh!!). Everything just seems boring and dull. I need to change environment or maybe change profession line.
Half-year of 2010 have been one bad luck to another. I haven't achieve anything yet. Well.. not really. I did pull off an event from my previous company, which I'm proud off. It was fun. Anyway.. I intend to use the 2nd half of 2010 to it's fullest. I need a change. A really big change.

I felt like there's a big cauldron bubbling inside of me, and it's going to explode if I don't do anything. The problem is, I don't know what I'm suppose to do. My emotions are all jumbled up because of a guy, and my job just doesn't suits me anymore. Heck.. depression is just around the corner, and it's freaking me out.

I'm looking for other jobs, but no reply as of yet, and trying to mend my broken heart. I can't stay at home, need to go out and do something. Books are my salvation, but sometimes it's hard to concentrate. I get frustrated easily, and being quiet is the key. My bubbliness has gone off somewhere, and I need it back. Should go out and mingle around.. ;)

I hope that the next time I'm blogging, it's more on the positive side. Because lately, it sounded so despondent. Let me get my life straighten out first, coz it's crooked to 90° right now.

Wish me good luck.. later..

Facade...

Very hard to put a happy facade when inside you're miserable. I can be hahahaha and hehehehe with everyone, and it does ease my heart a bit, but after that, back to square one. I need to do something to fill in the gap. I went out, did some errands for my boss, went to Queensbay, exchange my free movie ticket at GSC. Watching Karate Kid tomorrow. :) Then banking, afterward touch-up my hair color and did a treatment IShine (i think), since I got 30% on my birthday month.

This year June is not as fulfilling as I wanted. All because of him. Just as coin have two side, human beings as well. There's always two sides of a human's character. I got my regrets, but as I said, I need time to truly get over it all. Keep moving forward...

It's getting better.. I'm going to read my Reaper's Gale and sleep early, since flu has arrived to greet me. hehehehe..

Abyss of Comfort

down into the abyss, i saw a door, open it I did, and be there forever more,
for there is light, a pearlescent glow, which shows me warmth, gladness and love.

Hope

Never give up too readily and too soon, for there is hope, waiting to be found. "Hope" chime silently around us, if only we can hear it.. and find it.. ;)

First and foremost..

If you expect people to truly love you, love yourself first.
If you want people to accept you, accept yourself first (flaws and whatnot)
If you yearn for the future, let go of the past first.
If you wish for happiness, be happy for your loved one first.

Love's Ending

I met you, without knowing you
A stranger to a friend and a lover
Who we are now, afterward, our future is blind to us

Seeing you, seeing me
Two different worlds, we meet
Forbidden and with secrecy
Is it hard for you? For it is for me

Tried I did, and love i gave, without a question, unconditionally
From there, disappointment are aplenty
Do you know how hurt I felt deeply?

So many ifs, so many possibilities
But nothing will change the reality
I'm walking away from all of it
For I know it's not meant to be

Love is about trust, honesty and understanding
Love is about patience, appreciation and respect
Love is about openness, loving and cherishing
Love is about giving without thoughts of receiving

I gave love a chance, I gave love completely
And I received only love's memories,
Sweet like honey, but taste so sourly
How could it end up like this?

Your affectation and complacency
Your selfishness and insecurities
Has change my love to fear of you
You pushed me away so drastically

I awoke to find myself alone
But loneliness is not in the midst
I smiled to myself, because I know in my heart
That I love myself, and that's the most important part.

Breaking Up is Hard

I just broke up with someone I love. It wasn't meant to be anyway. Been with him for 2 months only. It's deep and yet, the feelings changed so fast. Maybe because of the situation we're in, it's kinda cooled after a while. Tired sometimes. But I've tried, and tried. I want to make it work. We're just not meant to be.

Luckily I've found out the actual character of him early on. If not, I won't be able to break free. He must have hated me for leaving him. Funny thing is, why I care so much how he think of me? He's a good guy, love me a lot but very proud and egoistic as well. Too jealous by far, and kinda controls me. It's hard to cope with this kind of character. Isn't it? I want a relationship whereby I can breathe.. not suffocating deep inside. How can a person be so selfish? I care so much for him, love him unconditionally, and yet, he does not trust me, and... there's so much.. ah.. scrap it off..

I don't want to say goodbye, but I can't be with a guy like that. I will hurt myself in the long run for sure. :(

Disappointment every time. I always give my all to them, but they ended up disappointing me. Never have any luck in the love department. Always a fool, making stupid mistakes. Too softhearted, that's what my best friend said about me. She's right.. Don't really want to think about it anymore. What's the point anyway? Happiest time was when I was single. I always felt alone whenever I'm in a relationship anyway, so, why would I want one?

But, I'm not giving up on love. I love myself, that's the most important thing. And I want to live my life to the fullest, have fun. If love comes along the way, I need to really really think on it. Try I may, but I don't know... This is my current thought, and people change as they grew older. You'll never know how my thoughts will be in the future. Heck, I don't even know myself!!

Currently, my feelings are sad, hurt, and relieved at the same time. Emotions are all jumbled up. Hahaha.. And I have to give a straight face, to show that I'm fine and all. Hard, isn't it?

Time will heal a wounding heart. That's for sure. So, right now, I'm trying to find stuff to enjoy, and be free and happy.. Don't worry.. I'm a positive and optimistic girl. I will endure.. hahahaha..

At Changi Airport Returning to Penang

Currently in Changi Airport, waiting to board Airasia back to Penang. Still got an hour to go. Damn bored. Using their free Internet access, hehehehe.. at least can decrease the boredom. I love Malaysia, especially my state, Penang, but I really like Singapore a lot. My best friend keeps on encouraging me to start a new life here in Singapore. I'm contemplating about it, but there's so much that I can't let go in Penang. She keeps on telling me that there nothing left for me in Penang anymore. Which alas, I have to admit, it's kinda true.. :(

I love the public transport in Singapore. I kinda "expert" in it now. Hahahaha.. after 4 days and 3 nights, wow.. that's considered good right? :p Anyhoos.. It's user friendly and kinda convenient, but you have to walk walk walk, which I mind not at all.

But I don't really like the food there, coz there's no "oomph" in the taste. Just average. Maybe because I'm a Penangite, and you know, Penang is a food haven, and we Penang people love to eat. Hahaha... Maybe haven't found the yummy food in Singapore yet.

Don't worry, I'll be back to Singapore soon. It's a nice place, and I don't really explore much yet. Soon.. soon... once I have accumulated enough money, I'll be back. hahahaha.. (Maybe I'll be there for good.. you'll never know).. ;)

Career in Writings?

I've been working in the administrative line for around 10 years now. And it's taking a toll on me. I don't know if this is the right career path for me. I find no satisfaction anymore. It seems so vapid now. I love doing reports, like sales report, or creating slides, tables, charts.. anything that requires thoughts. Or doing research for that matter.
But I've been thinking of switching line. Maybe venturing into creative writing? What do you think? Do I have the skills? Will I be happy? I love to express my feelings, especially in writing forms. Being creative with words and writing metaphor and being rhetorical. It's fun for me actually.
So, should I or shouldn't I? Jumping into a new profession, without any education / experience background will be tough, no doubt. Salary wise, well, I'm going to work from the bottom up, obviously. It's hard isn't it? With all my commitments, how am I going to survive?

Sigh.. I don't know. I need some inputs. Anyone can help?

Abyss..

down into the abyss, i saw a door, open it I did, and be there forever more
for there is light, a pearlescent glow, which shows me warmth, gladness and love.

3 Choices..

Down on the highway cruising aimlessly
Like a nomad looking for a place to settle
I stopped for a moment, absorbing everything
At last I have found what I was searching

Three branches of roads surfaced in front of me
Each with guiding lights, blinking profusely
Which one to choose, as I walked towards them
Which holds the first key, for me to succeed?

On my left, lights of desire pulling me in
On my right, lights of reality searching for me
On the middle, lights of hope glowing serenely
Choosing very carefully the first light to glory

As I ponder on the choice I need to make
A storm of uncertainties came thundering in
Sweeping the three lights away from my path
And left a vast of emptiness deep inside my heart

As I shed the last tears of sadness, I opened my eyes
To see that the 3 lights blinking high in the sky
I jumped up and ran towards the sight of the lights
For losing them are not what I had in my mind

Desire to achieve the reality we're dreaming of, never give up on hope.
We are always chasing for it, but sometimes uncertainties in our lives hindered us.
Never give up readily and too soon.

Written By: Ying

Choices We Make

I used to be a very indecisive person when I was younger. Well.. in my early 20s to be exact. Everyone goes through that phase, whereby you've just finished college, and starting out in the working life. Exposure, exposure, exposure. Every things are new and different. And trying to make the right choices in life.

That was me (and almost everyone).. then..

Now.. when I looked back, I've changed a lot. I'm a self-proclaimed hermit, still am in fact, but I socialize more, go out and see what's there for me to see. Made new friends, hi-bye friends, some foes (maybe?). I am a "thinker", and I usually think back on the choices I had made. Some are mere stupidity, and others are good choices, which I'm proud of. But the one most important thing is that whatever we have decided and did, either good or bad, never regret it.
Choices that I made makes me who I am today. Stronger, brighter and wiser. ;)

I don't let people decide and make the choices for me. I decide for myself, because I understood myself more than anyone. Yes, I do seek advise from friends and family, and some assurance on my choices, and people can influence me, but they can't control what choice I make in the end.

I hate it when people think they know what is right, and good for me. They don't even know what I think!! Sigh.. Anyhoo.. people can judge me by my choices, but they don't really know me now, do they? They think they do, but they don't. *wink* *wink*

I'm a mystery unto myself.. sometimes I don't even know why I make weird choices.. hahaha..
Nevertheless, I have no regrets.. well... maybe one or two, but I'm at peace with it now.. :D

Our road is long and winding and bumpy sometimes.. Overcome it with honesty and patience.
You'll get to a smoother road in no time.. ;)

The Hand's Touch

He walked down the street, alone and afraid
No one is around, but everyone is watching
Every steps, every moves, every breathe he makes
Watching, spying, watching and spying

He keep on walking, stumbling and falling
A whisper, a jest, surrounded him everywhere
Running and turning, where should he go
There are no path too clear to approach

"This way", "No, here, it's this way" whispered words
Chooses he did, but undecided he slipped
Anger burst forth, and clouded his thoughts
Nothing seems right, everything seems forced.

A hand touched him, lifting him up
Soft and gentle, comforting to the touch
Put forth a road, straight and clear
For him to continue his struggling path

Guided him, the hand, guided him true
Walked down the road, together they two
Obstacles came, obstacle pushed away
For the hand cared for him in so many way

Suddenly a storm came, strong and windy
The hand grips him hard, never give up
But he gave up, letting go thinking it won't last
If only he can see, that the winds are merely dust

Dust that blurred the eyes, dust that blind the sight
Dust that makes him see the bumpy road he left behind
The hand came to care, but he put a blind eye
For this is his path, and need not the hand's caring touch

The hand came again as he set forth on his path
Ignoring the hand, he pushed it away oh so quickly
The hand doesn't understand how he thinks
And slowly the hand turned into a mist.

He walked alone again, down the path the hand brought forth
Alone but not lonely as he slowly create his world
The road fills with trees and flowers and burst with life
And still the hand in misty form following out from his sight

Does he think of the hand, that guided him well?
Does he think of the hand, that loved him still?
Does he think of the hand, that cares for him?
Does he think of the hand, that still waits for him?

Written By: Ying

Yearning Thoughts

i am on a cliff, looking down a valley
i am on a cliff, enjoying the morning sun
i am on a cliff, contemplating jumping
i am on a cliff, crying and crying

i walked a step back, as the wind breezes
i walked a step back, as the sun's heat burning
i walked a step back, wanting to run
i walked a step back, back to his arms.

from his embrace, once there was comfort
from his embrace, once there was love
from his embrace, now there is nothing
from his embrace, my heart is breaking

i walked away from him, trying to be strong
i walked away from him, knowing what is wrong
i walked away from him, wanting to know
if ever we could be together come tomorrow.

Written By: Ying

Tough but Keep on Moving

I always believe that things happen for a reason. But sometimes I just don't understand why. Nevertheless, I choose to live my life as happily as I want it to be, because whatever it is, life goes on. Why suffer in sadness, when you can enjoy in happiness? There's tons of things out there to explore and experience, go out and do it.. In a way, these will occupied your minds and slowly all those sadness will go away.

It's not worth it, to spend your time thinking of the past and regrets in your life. A lesson's learned is a knowledge gained. You prosper to become a better person, and wiser one as well.. if and only if you negate all the negativity.. because I know that some people change for the worse from their bad / sad experiences.

It is tough, but for me, it's all in the mind. If you think it's tough, then it will be. Like I said, not worth thinking bout it, just a waste of your time and energy.

Future cannot be dictated by anyone. The actions you take, the decision you make in the present, will change whatever it is the future. It changes everyday..

So.. decide for yourself what you want. The future are yours for the making, so make it right, make it fun, make it worthwhile.

New Love

Misty eyes, tears dripping endlessly
For a love that's been lost only momentarily

How to move on when one's been trapped
In their soul of longing and yearning

Sheer blindness that clouds the mind
Part it away to the world outside
And you will see how beautiful it is
The garden of love, full of bliss

There on the grass, a flower that had died
But beside it grew, a new leaf of life
As we lost the love we thought we have
Life goes on, and new love waits to be called

Written By: Ying

Life..

Life's journey will have it's ups and downs
When you're at a pinnacle of success, there's a tendency to forget
Who you are, where you're from, the hardship and sacrifices made
Then a boulder will crush it down, and you learn again the meaning of humility
For humbleness makes a person aware, nothing to be gain if things are taken for granted.
A person can change for the better, but never forget who you are in the beginning.

My Little Kitten

Sigh.. I've lost my 1 day old pet kitten. :( sad..
The story goes like this..
I went back after work yesterday, and there's a stray kitten, lounging outside my house. It likes to go into the house, and my mom, or whoever is around will shoo the kitten away. When I saw the kitten, the first thing I felt is pity. She (i think) is skinny and looked so hungry. It's a beautiful kitten, and when she sit, ah.. graceful. Her fur.. brown, black and gray, all mix together. It's lovely. So I give her food, rice and fish bones. She voraciously eat the food. And when she looks at me..those eyes.. I really wanted to keep her.. but my house got 3 toddlers, my 2 nephews and 1 niece, so it's not really a good idea to keep her.
I have no choice but to give her food outside the house only. My sister said to give it to SPCA, and I've checked the net, some of the animals they sheltered put to sleep. I got scared.. what if I gave them, and nobody adopt her, will she be put to sleep? I don't want that, and I don't think my little kitten want it also. I thought of naming her Neko-Chan.. it's a Japanese word for cat. Cute huh?

The next day, she came back again.. ah... and I give her some rice to eat. I like the way she walk around between my legs, and the feeling when her furs brushing my ankle. Some people find it ticklish.. and uncomfortable.. but I love it.. whenever I go to hawker stall, and if there a cat around, I sometimes wish it will walk pass to my table. Hehehe.. weird huh?

Alas, today, I went out in the afternoon for some errands, and came back to find it gone.. Why? My mom shooed the cat away to the street. I don't think it will come back.
I was thinking of asking around my kampung and see if anyone would like to adopt her, since I can't, but Neko-chan is gone now, can't do anything right now.. Wish her all the best though..

Found love, and lost it the next day... Never have luck in the "Love" Department... :(
Neko-chan... sob sob..