Death and Life

An ex-colleague of mine passed away last week, after months of fighting his illness. It's a sad day for everyone that knew him. I have not seen him for the past 1 year, even when I was informed that he had succumbed to the illness. I never once visited him in the hospital as well. I don't know why I didn't visit him, and I felt ashamed as a colleague and friend for not having the heart to see him. Maybe I'm not that close to him, even though we're colleagues for a year plus. He's only a year older than me, and he passed away just like that. Fate isn't it?
Life is so unpredictable and unexpected. You'll never know what will happen in mere seconds. I might just get struck by lighting after finishing off this post and died, and this may well be the last post or message I'm typing. Funny how fate, luck and chance twist and bend our life like that.

A week after he passed away, my second sister gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. A new life after a solemn death. Then I got the news that my 2nd uncle (father's side) diabetes got worst, he can't walk because one of his kidney failed. He's been staying at home for some time, and does not want to go for a check-up. He told his family that he doesn't want to, for he wants to wait for his death. The family can't take it, and called an ambulance to pick him up. He's currently going through a dialysis right now. He's already 82 years old, and a strong man but for his kidney. I can't imagine another death near me right now, I'm still not strong enough for this.

Then today morning, my brother told us that he's bleeding after going to the toilet. And that really freaks me out. It's a hemorrhage, and I suspected it, and its not really that serious, but for me it is because yesterday we were all talking about his stomach condition, and needed checking, then this happen. Ironic isn't it? I'm so freaking worried that I almost cried in the office while working and thinking about it. I text my brother, and he called me, and told me that it's only hemorrhage, and nothing really serious. Phew.. what a relieved..
Too many bad stuff happenings and I don't like it one bit..

It makes me think and worries a lot about my family and friends. Life is long but it felt so short when bad things happen. A flip of chances, life and death is all there is. A pendulum of fate, swinging between heaven and hell. I'm being melodramatic here.. Ignore me please, let me compose myself first.. ahem..

Okay.. on with the thoughts...

The only thing missing in my life right now is stability. And a guy, that much is certain. My family are my rock and everything but I know that I will grow lonely along the way. I love my solitude life, but not a lonely life. Lonely life equals to empty and hollow life, does it not? When I said stability, that is in terms of professional life. My career. Its not as fulfilling as I wanted, but not bad as well. Nonetheless, I'm going to pursue my MBA (no matter what!!) and get a more challenging and fulfilling job. I need a stable and prosperous career to really take care of myself. A guy, well, they comes and goes. I never had a good relationship, and opening up to another one makes me think twice. There's a quote saying, "think with your heart, not your mind" is what I need to do, but, if you got hurt one time too many, are you willing to?

Alas, life's too short to be having all this deep thoughts (for me at least). Am I happy? (Yes, checked), Am I at peace with myself? (Yes, checked), Am I grateful? (Yes, checked). Hey, 3 Yeses, what more to worry about, eh?

Take it easy, live life to the fullest, and never regret the choices made, if if it's a stupid one. You 'll learn things you thought you knew, but you didn't. It's a bittersweet lesson, which makes you wiser than yesterday.
A friend of mine told me that all these sayings are a comforting message to myself. But.. really? I don't know about others but I honestly think and live like this, but he just won't accept it.
Oh well..

That's all I got to say. Ah.. rain has stop. I guess no lighting tonight then. Phew... lucky me..

Death lingers, but life prosper..