Breaking Up is Hard

I just broke up with someone I love. It wasn't meant to be anyway. Been with him for 2 months only. It's deep and yet, the feelings changed so fast. Maybe because of the situation we're in, it's kinda cooled after a while. Tired sometimes. But I've tried, and tried. I want to make it work. We're just not meant to be.

Luckily I've found out the actual character of him early on. If not, I won't be able to break free. He must have hated me for leaving him. Funny thing is, why I care so much how he think of me? He's a good guy, love me a lot but very proud and egoistic as well. Too jealous by far, and kinda controls me. It's hard to cope with this kind of character. Isn't it? I want a relationship whereby I can breathe.. not suffocating deep inside. How can a person be so selfish? I care so much for him, love him unconditionally, and yet, he does not trust me, and... there's so much.. ah.. scrap it off..

I don't want to say goodbye, but I can't be with a guy like that. I will hurt myself in the long run for sure. :(

Disappointment every time. I always give my all to them, but they ended up disappointing me. Never have any luck in the love department. Always a fool, making stupid mistakes. Too softhearted, that's what my best friend said about me. She's right.. Don't really want to think about it anymore. What's the point anyway? Happiest time was when I was single. I always felt alone whenever I'm in a relationship anyway, so, why would I want one?

But, I'm not giving up on love. I love myself, that's the most important thing. And I want to live my life to the fullest, have fun. If love comes along the way, I need to really really think on it. Try I may, but I don't know... This is my current thought, and people change as they grew older. You'll never know how my thoughts will be in the future. Heck, I don't even know myself!!

Currently, my feelings are sad, hurt, and relieved at the same time. Emotions are all jumbled up. Hahaha.. And I have to give a straight face, to show that I'm fine and all. Hard, isn't it?

Time will heal a wounding heart. That's for sure. So, right now, I'm trying to find stuff to enjoy, and be free and happy.. Don't worry.. I'm a positive and optimistic girl. I will endure.. hahahaha..